While on our trip back home to MT we had the opportunity to go back to our old church for a Sunday service. I don't remember the topic exactly but, Pastor Simmons was talking about where and what we put our faith in. He made some comments to the idea that, we have become a nation that sways depending on who is in the White House ( as if the right guy in the oval office can create heaven on earth and, the wrong guy can lead us to hell in a hand basket.) Do we put our faith in the economy, as if a bear market means we must all be in sin and are being punished and a bull market means the Lord is smiling upon us as a beacon for all to see. Yet, in a country like China where the government reigns and there's little in concern for "The Market" people are coming to find salvation in numbers that make the entire US look small. In these terms, we are a night light trying to outshine a light house beacon.
But what troubled me during the time I sat and listened to these words was not the points indicated, I know where my faith lies. But what does it mean to have faith and find solace in the Lord. What exactly do I have faith in, what do I believe and trust in Jesus? I have faith that God will....fill in the blank. If I know where my faith lies, why do I still feel anxious? What do I not trust? Is my sense of unease and unrest an indicator that I must not really trust in the Lord? Trust in Him for what?
Do I trust that He will upright the economy and make life easier? This is an absurd thing to trust anything in. An upright economy leads to a decadent society that thinks it can pave its own path, why would the Lord want to see this occur. And our historical archive, the Bible, doesn't indicate a lot of times when the Lord went in and made things hunky dory because His people were afraid of hardship. Seven years of plenty meant seven years of famine. 40 years of manna doesn't sound like life living high on the hog.
Do I trust that He will put a godly man in the office that will lead us all into becoming a godly nation? Equally absurd. He puts godly men in homes to lead their families. The man in the office is an indicator of where the country has already come, not an indicator of where it will go. King Saul anyone. The Lord doesn't touch His people thru governments. We are a government of the people, by the people, for the people.
So I sat and pondered this during the sermon, sorry Pastor Stan but the Lord and I have some of our best conversations while you guys are up there talking to the crowd. If I know where my faith lies, in the Lord; what is it I have faith in Him to do? And this is where the Lord blessed me with a picture of my oldest son, Titus.
See, Titus is autistic. He does not like change. This isn't your typical child like aversion to chaos. I often explain to people that there are four levels of stability in all of our lives:
static (predictably predictable) " The minute indicator on the clock just turned into a new number, in 60 seconds it will change again." No questions about it, this will happen over and over again as long as we have clocks. We all know what will happen, when it will happen, how it will happen, and what follows. Predictably Predictable, very few will question or challenge this condition.
Predictable: Sometime today I will get hungry, thirsty, sleepy...our daily habits. We can, to a fair degree of certainty, declare that these things will occur and, give a fair estimate to what period of the day they will occur as well. There is a slight degree of uncertainty as to the exact time, place, or what the meal will be. But we can be safe to say that they will most likely occur.
Unpredictable: Believe it or not, this is still a safe environment, we kind of like living in this state part of the time. It keeps us awake in the monotony. This is the state of life we see a lot of surprises. It occurs within a controlled environment that has a lot of known but only slightly controlled variables (I know, I am an engineer and write like one at times, sorry about that.) Kids at a birthday party that is well chaperoned. There will be spontaneous events and possible unpredicted outbursts of screaming. But the environment is still somewhat safe and controlled.
Chaos (unpredictably unpredictable) A person in great shape, runs every day, eats right and drops dead of a heart attack while reading a bedtime story. Devastating by its result, shocking by its occurrence and, completely unforeseen by anyone around. Or in my sons case, a room full of four year olds all standing up to sing a song. Not one in tune, none singing together, some singing the wrong song and he was caught in the middle of this incredible thunderstorm of unmelodic and non-harmonious mayhem.
Why this list in this post? To help you understand that my son loves to be in the first phase. Some of us see this as monotony run amuck. He sees this as the safest environment known to man and created by God. And I think deep down, most of us would like that kind of stability in our lives too. Our lives are dictated by clocks, calendars, daytimers, alarms, the rising and setting of the sun and routines that help us get thru the day. Titus is simply an amplification of what lies within all of us.
Why is this understanding important? Because when Titus was a baby/toddler, I was still in school chasing my degree and Karen had to work. We had a schedule that was so tight that a five minute delay meant we were off by five minutes for the rest of the day. Yet, every day was a different schedule. And Titus became our little football, handed off back and forth between Karen and I as we navigated the rapids of full time jobs, a house and, chasing an engineering degree. Normal kids become loopy under such condtions. But Titus smiled thru all of it. Down economy and a sad state of affairs with our schools and government, Titus road the waves. High times and good paycheks, Titus road the waves. How can an autistic child that craves a static environment get thru such a chaotic first few years without freaking out on us?
Blue! Not the color or state of mind, the bunny. Blue the Bunny? When Titus was a new baby he was given a blue rag type bunny that was bigger than he was. He liked its ears. He would suck on those ears until they turned brown and we had to wash him. Blue went everywhere with Titus. It soothed him when he couldn't sleep and helped up his first set of stairs. If Titus was there, Blue was too. Titus is nearly 10 years old now and, Blue is still in his bed soothing him to sleep.
The thing is, no matter what kind of world was flinging around my son, Blue never changed. Up early, up late, going with mom, going with dad, in the car, in the truck, going to sleep, waking up...Blue was always there and still the same.
So on that Sunday morning while the pastor was giving his sermon, I was asking the Lord, "If we say we have faith in you, what exactly are we saying and what does that mean?" And the ever the same unchaging Lord showed me a picture of Titus holding Blue by the ears and said to me," If this child can find solace in a little rag doll bunny with wash cloth ears that helped him get thru the craziest days of his life...what do you think will happen to you if you hold onto my hand and seek solace in me?"
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