I was amazed today with a comment a close colleague of mine made today on an observation. I was relaying to him the story of a rather heated discussion I had with one of our executives.
Let me put in a side note, I have been feeling a bit of anxiety and contention lately. So much so that this colleague, and others that know me, have begun coming to my desk when they need a good devil's advocate to practice presenting a proposal, or a better understanding of an issue that they are contending...in other words, right now at least, they know I will help them wrestle with their ideas, topic is not an issue.
Needless to say, my story about arguing with one of our executives did not surprise my colleague.
Here's the argument in a nutshell. This executive had asked me how something could be done better, being an engineer, everything can always be done better. But then this executive asked me to figure out how to fix a problem we are having by giving me instructions on a method he wanted me to investigate and figure out how to implement his method to fix the problem. A month later (the request was made during a monthly meeting) I reported that there were fundamental obstacles in the way and I was not finding a way to implement his method. I told him that I did not think implementing his method was possible. His response was that I should return the following month with more action than having "just thought about it." I snapped. I told this executive that his instructions for me were to find a way to implement his method, HOW, not IF it could be implemented. I was making it clear that he had specifically asked for me to find out HOW to implement his method, not IF it could be implemented. I then made it clear that I was still struggling with the IF portion of the problem because I was not finding a clear answer to even IF his method was possible let alone, HOW. Thus my results were incomplete because I was not there to report IF his method could be implemented, I was asked to show HOW his method could be implemented. Since I had not found a clear resolution to IF it was even possible, I had not and was not prepared to answer HOW. (I know this is repetitive, but I wanted it to be very clear that I was dissecting his request.)
As I relayed this story to my colleague he began to smile in amazement. I have told this same colleague stories about the way our son is very literal and how we have to be careful about the way we word things because he will interpret them at face value. (We once used the "Because I said so" parental phrase for the reason why he couldn't go outside. He promptly said, "SO" and headed outside. If saying the word "so" was the key to going out or staying in, then ...) I have also told him about how we have to be very clear and make certain that our words, face, and body all express the same message or our son will be confused by the overall message conveyed. My colleague shook his head and said, "Wow, I have listened to the way you argue over the last year. And it just dawned on me. You practice this every single day with your son, and you don't even know it. What a blessing. You have trained yourselves to dissect a statement in order to make sure that it is very clear and concise, you have trained yourselves to make sure the entire message is clear in your posture, words, tone, facial expression...everything. You practice this every single day. What a blessing you have."
This observation opened my eyes to why I may be feeling a bit more contentious lately than I have in the past. My wife observed that I am by nature, the way God designed me, contentious. I agree, I like to argue. I am an engineer and a wrestler, a very contentious combination. I actually felt it a compliment when my colleague and friend once commented that he appreciated the fact that I would help him argue through issues. My willingness to argue the opposite side of an issue helps him get a better handle on where the cracks are in his thoughts an proposals, which helps him make a better argument when it really counts. Anyhow, my son is nearly 11 years old, he is fighting for a little more independence, just as any typical child of his age does. But my son is not typical, he is autistic. Which means that I am having to contend with him in his literal world of "what happens if I...?" even more than normal. Which happens to sharpen that edge even more than a typical parent. Unfortunately for the executive above and some of my other co-workers, it also means that I am quick to dissect and contend with them as well.
I found it interesting that my colleague would find this to be a blessing. In essence, he envies that I can argue a point so clearly and concisely. But I sense that I am growing weary of it, and yet I have so many more teen years to go of sharpening the edge to such fineness. Anyone else out there ever experience the same thing?
